


Gamzee: Be a Pet

by scourgethehigher



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - No Sgrub Session, Blood, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Multi, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Petstuck, gamzee's vocabulary, hemocaste
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-19
Updated: 2016-02-18
Packaged: 2018-02-17 19:43:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 15,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2321090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scourgethehigher/pseuds/scourgethehigher
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You aren't really sure where you are, and while that happens a lot, this is new.<br/>You are pretty motherfuckin hot right now and the sweat is starting to make your normally capricious hair stick to your face in a hella uncomfortable way. The thing you're stuck in seems to be trapping all the heat in, but you aren't really motherfuckin sure that's the only thing it's supposed to be trapping in.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Gamzee: Figure out where you are -->

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This a fanfiction off of UFUT because wow is it good. (Seriously, make sure you read it.) Unfortunately, they didn't really have any Gamzee; which is a shame because they could have done a lot with him. So, here is me inserting Gamzee.

You aren't really sure where you are, and while that happens to you a lot, this is new.

You are pretty fucking hot right now and the sweat is really starting to make your normally capricious hair stick to your face in a hella uncomfortable way. The thing you're in seems to be trapping all of the heat in, but you aren't really motherfucking sure if that's the only thing it's supposed to be trapping in. There seems to be a small sliver of light coming from one of the sides, an unnoticable and all kinds of motherfucking miraculous crack. You run a claw down the side, widening the crack more so that you can take a breath of life. The gasp you hear scares you a little bit, making you jump and hit your head on the roof of whatever box thing you are stuck inside of.

"Wow, what is it?" you hear a small voice ask timidly.

"I don't know. It showed up on my doorstep. I think it might be a troll, but I didn't want to open it yet in case it's one of those fighting trolls that attack you the second you open the box," the other voice says. This one is a little deeper. You let out a whimper, hoping that maybe them hearing you up in the uncomfortable will make them open up this motherfuckin box.

"I think it's awake now."

"Well? Do not just stand there, open the box. If it is a troll, I worry about the heat that is inside. There are no holes in the top that would permit airflow. Ms. Piexes, please hand me a pair of scissors, I am going to have to cut through the tape." Tape? Why would they all up and put tape on the box? Oh yeah, you're bein all up and trapped. Oh man, that don't sit well with your thinkpan. Bein trapped ain't how you get to likin things. You wish they would hurry the motherfuck up.

"Yes, Doctor," a singsong voice answers. She sounds all flowy and wavy, and it's totally fuckin miraculous. You happen to like miraculous things. You shift slightly in the box; it's barely big enough to hold you and your horns and you're all kinds of gettin your motherfuckin squish on. After hearing a cutting sound, among grunts and grumbles of some sort, light leaks in as the cool air hits your face like a fuckin whoosh. Your hearts does a little flutter while your peepers check out, the world becomes white for a moment.

"Wuhhh..." you mumble, rubbing your eyes. When you pull back, you can see your hands and whoops, they're covered in your purple motherfuckin blood. Well hell, that wasn't supposed to happen. Where the fuck did that come from?

"Oh my...." the big guy mutters as you look up at him. You probably ain't looking your best, what with bein trapped in that fuckin box for messiah's knows how long. He is motherfuckin huge and is wearing some sort of shades that makes you want to laugh a little. Your protein  sack emits a blashphemous noise which makes you feel like you all up and need to get to holdin your insides together. You look down and see more blood. Well shit.

"Whoa. Little dude is totally wrecked," the blonde human comments, his arms folded across his chest like some sorta cool kid. You ain't got the energy to think about him much. You ain't got the energy to really think at all. Actually, you just flat out ain't got energy.

"Yes. I need some space, if you all could step out into the waiting room, much would be appreciated," the big guy tells them, soundin a little commanding. They do as he says and you are left looking up at him. You're a little scared to be honest. "Do you understand what I am saying?" he asks, lookin down at you through his glasses. You nod your head slightly and immediately regret it. You get a pain in your thinkpan that hurts to all the heavens in the sky. The pain is enough to make you curl up a little, which only manages to make you hurt more. The doctor seems to notice. "May I pick you up? I need to get you on my medical table in order to examine your injuries." You only whimper, deciding that maybe it would be best to stop moving.

He picks you up with the most gentle care, and you still get the motherfuck to hurtin on. You wanna cry, but it feels like your waterways are all dried up. When was the last time you had water? Or any motherfuckin thing to drink? He lays you down on the motherfuckin cold table and you get the shivers on that run down your spine all snake like. He lays you on your back and begins to carefully prod up your bod. Yeah you're hurtin all over.

"Take note Ms. Piexes: three diagonal lacerations across the entirety of the face starting from the upper right eyebrow and down to the lower left part of the chin. The eyelid has been damaged as well. Contusions and abrasions lining up from the side to the neck and across the chest. Possible concusion in the lower part of the skull. Dehydrated, heat exhaustion, emmaciated. Last grooming: months, possibly years. 3 Dislocated ribs on the middle portion of the ribcage. A large laceration across the stomach, about five inches long and four centimeters deep. All lacerations exhibit infection." The doctor lists all the crap what's wrong with you as he takes off the rags you were wearing and by this time, you ain't even paying him no mind no more. Nah, you got your thank on to the mirthful messiahs that you're gettin your alive on in the first place. "Please retrieve the Augmentin as well as the anestheic," he tells her as he stops pokin at your bod. "I am afraid you will have to be unconscious for a few hours. This will be entirely painless, I promise," he speaks to you in a gentle, deep voice and suddenly, you're all good. Well, after that sharp poke in the arm you're all good. You're seein all sorts of motherfuckin miracles in your fuckin world of black.

Hey, now you all up and got time to reflect.

Oh wait.

Nah, you're awake again.

Ain't no time for snoozin when y'all got to be gettin your motherfuckin wake on.

You open your eyes and once again everything's got their fuckin white on. It's way too motherfuckin bright for you and your peepers and you're gettin to thinkin that maybe it's time to get them checked the fuck out. Nah, you'll do that later. Hey, you ain't hurtin no more Actually, your whole body feels sorta numb. Sweeeeeeeet.

"He's waking up!" a small voice calls out. Once your peepers got their function to be on again, you notice that the little brother speakin is a motherfuckin troll. Well, ain't he just the cutest? How adorable. Almost makes you wanna tear out his insides. So cute.

"Please keep your voice down, he just went through stitching and rib replacement. He is most likely not feeling very well." Yeah, the doc is pretty motherfuckin right. You got tingles all up and movin around your bod and it's givin you all sorts of willies.

"Oh, sorry," the little troll looks down at his feet. The tall blonde human with the cool shades looks at you. You got the feelin that he ain't really feelin what his face is showin. But hey, what do you know? You ain't never seen a human like these before. All the ones you got your lookin on for were monsters. The little troll crawls onto the bed and sorta just perches at the bottom of it, looking at you all expectant-like. "Your name?" he asks you.

 You ain't really sure if you can actually get to talkin. You know that you can make sounds, but to hell if you feel like you can get your name out. Speaking of which, what is your name? 

"Gmzy," you mumble, falling over the letters. 

"Gimzee?" the little one asks. 

"Gaaamzee." You have to accentuate your fuckin vowels a little more. He smiles at you and pats you on the leg. You barely feel it, but flinch at the contact anyways. Well that's fuckin weird. Oh yeah, you're hella scared. Haha but it's okay, the messiahs are blessin you with your motherfuckin calm. 

"Does it hurt?" He asks.

You shake your head slightly. "Buzzy," you say. You are normally way more motherfuckin able to talk than this, but you got the good feelin goin that ain't letting you. 

The little troll laughs at you in a giggle that sounds a little like a chime and you want to pet his motherfuckin wriggler head.

"I'm Karkat. How you get in that box?" he asks, tilting his head. You want to chuckle but your motherfuckin respiratory chamber ain't working right. Instead, you attempt to shrug your shoulders, which just end up twitching in a way that is totally motherfuckin weird. He doesn't really like this answer. You can't blame him though, you would wanna know too. He probably wants to do whatever it is you did to get taped in a box. Wrigglers are funny like that. You decide that you'll get your tell on to that righteous little brother as soon as you all up and get your coherent back. 

"So how did he get like this?" The tall blonde asks. The doctor seems to get his rage on and it makes your grin widen a little. 

"Well, it looks like abuse. However, this is not the type of abuse that a human can inflict on a troll themselves." the room gets all quiet like and it makes you uncomfortable. Wait- nah. You're feelin pretty good. 

"Fighting?" The blonde asks. The doc shakes his head in a way that is all serious. You want to tell them that you're chill- that you ain't dead so it's all good. 

"Purple-blooded trolls like this one are notorious for being more violent than most- perfect for fighting. I am afraid that his interactions with any future foster homes will be extremely limited. I have yet to see his true personality, given that he has had to be on the anesthetic  since we received him." Oh man. That's a whopper. Motherfucker has got his right on about what you been gettin up to. Well, you can't really tell. You were fed a lot of weird stuff that's made your memory all kinds of awful. Plus, these drugs ain't help in you get your remember on. Maybe you'll just forget about it and deal with it whenever the motherfuckin time feels right. A bro's got to keep true to his own bitchtitty self. 

"So what do we do with him?" The nurse asks. 

"We wait and see what he is like." The doctor replied. 

"And if he is violent?" The blonde asks, his arms still all up and folded across his chest. 

"Euthanization or rehabilitation, depending on how severe it is."

Well shit.

Gamzee: Win them over with your miracles -->


	2. Gamzee: Win them over with your miracles -->

 Gamzee: Win them over with your miracles -->

You're definitely gunna try.

That medicine has finally worn off and you are feelin all kinds of sore. Makes a troll want to get his grumpy on.

WAIT.

No, you can't get grumpy right now, not when you have to be showing off how hella sweet you are.

That big doctor- whose name you now know as Dr. Zahhak, told you that he would be runnin some of these tests to see what kind of troll you were all up and made out to be. Which is totally motherfuckin chill with you on like, so many levels.

He puts food in front of you- in one of those nice little glass bowls that you've seen humans eat out of. It's a hella kind gesture, but it makes you cringe at the thought of eatin like those pigs. Wait wait wait. No. You gotta get your nice on. 

He is lookin at you all appraisingly, gettin his judge on with his clipboard and pencil at the ready. Man... Dude sure got his focus on...

You tentatively put your hand in the bowl and scoop a handful of the wet food into your mouth, watching the doctor cautiously. The motherfuker raises his fuckin eyebrows all tall like and it makes you feel like you all up and did something wrong. Well, it wasn't like you were about to stick your motherfuckin face in the bowl or something. You hope that he wasn't expecting you to do that. Those motherfuckers used to make you do that and it was hella inconvenient. The doc jots down somethin on his little board and looks at you again. 

"Would you care for a utensil?" he asks you. You smile at him wide, and then stop because that usually provokes people to get scared of you. You used to have some pretty big fangs. Instead, you settle for just noddin your head like the chill troll you are. He pulls one out of his pocket. Wait... the motherfucker carries that shit around? You almost chuckle because that is just so funny to you. Hell, you think that that deserves a reward or somethin. You take the utensil and thank him quietly. 

"Thanks brother," you say as you continue to eat. The doctor then tries to take the bowl from you. You frown because why the fuck did he give you food only to take it away? That's just mean. "Hey..." you mutter, looking up at him expectantly. "Not cool..." He raises an eyebrow. 

"I have your food. What will you do?" 

"Shit, just keep it... You gunna be all up and takin food from this motherfucker then you must be gettin your needy on for it," you answer, frowning, but resigning. You are really motherfuckin hungry. "But you should be gettin to givin it back, I'm hungry."

"And if I don't?" 

You don't like that and growl a little, but shut up because you don't want him to hurt you or not like you. "Then I'll get my motherfuckin starve on... so please?"

 You were taught by your previous owners to not just bow down to people, but he had the thing you needed in order to live. So you felt that a little submission wouldn't be so bad. The doctor all up and gives you that blessed food back with a nod of his head and writes somethin on the clippy board. 

When you finish getting your eat on, he brings in another troll. Hey, you recognize that little dude as the sweet motherfucker called.... Uh... damn. You forgot his name. Well shit. 

The doctor places both of you on the ground and puts a couple of toys in front of the two of you. He has the bigger and shinier toy and you got some piece of crap wood thing. You couldn't have fun with this if your motherfucking life depended on It. You look at the little wriggler and realize that he is a mutant. His horns are small and he has a reddish blush to his cheeks. That's all kinds of gross. 

You narrow your eyes and take the toy from him. It's your right as a highblood to have it if you want. Maybe the doctor will pass you if he sees that you are fuctioning like a typical highblood troll. The little dude gawks at you and frowns, reaching for the toy expectantly. You hold the thing away from him and shake your head. 

"Nope, little brother. I all up and get it cuz I want it," you say to him, trying to explain why he couldn't have it. He starts turning red in the face. 

"I had it first! So give it back!" He yells as he jumps at you. You push him away and pick up the toy, running around the room with it. It ain't even that you motherfuckin like the toy, you just know that you deserve it. 

When you come motherfuckin face-first into the legs of the doc, you ain't feelin so entitled. He's givin you the stink eye. 

"Why did you take the toy from Karkat?" He asks. By now the short little motherfucker is up and reachin out his grabby hands for the toy. You're pretty tall for your age, so you hold it over his head. 

Mr. Zahhak takes the toy from you and shakes his head. 

"Cause I deserve it more than him."

He doesn't like this answer. 

"What makes you think that?" 

"My blood."

He scribbles some shit onto the paper and frowns. You think that there might be a possibility that you shouldn't have said that. 

He does some other funky tests and now that everyone is sittin in a group thingy, they're all lookin at you. 

"So what's the sitch, doc?" The blonde fucker asks. 

Your bloodpusher goes a little faster and motherfuck are you scared. You wish that they would give you some of that good stuff. 

"He does not need to be euthanized. However, immediate therapy will be required. He has adopted a mentality common among those of his blood color which has left him fairly unfriendly to those of a lower color. However, he has displayed the ability to feel compassion and logic, so I believe that he can be reinstituted into a social atmosphere. The fighting has left him a little violent, so we will have to watch for that."

"I heard he laughed at the nazi video."

"Yes. Uncontrollably. however, the laughter did not seem to be for the deaths, so much as how they were killed." 

"So what happens now?"

"He will need to stay here until he can be considered unthreatening around other trolls. I will be having a therapist come in to help him regularly. Would you mind if we used Karkat as a troll that he practices interacting with?"

You look at Karkat and raise a lazy eyebrow. You're so motherfuckin unsure what's really goin on right now. 

"It's up to him. What do you think little man? You wanna help this troll out?"

"mhm... But he won't take my toys again!" The little guy answered, nodding his head. 

Well goddamn. You sort of almost liked that toy. 

Gamzee: Get your therapy on -->

 


	3. Gamzee: Get Your Therapy On-->

Gamzee: Get Your Therapy On-->

You don't really understand the concept of therapy. You just know that apparently, it involves a lot of talking about your past. 

The doctor is named Rose Lalonde, but she wants you just to call her whatever suits you. You like callin her Rosis because it makes you feel all kinds of motherfuckin more comfortable.

She comes to get her visit on with you every day, which makes you happy because ain't nobody got their visit on to see you ever.

Actually, she ain't the only one who's been gettin their visit on with you. The doctor and that little troll with blonde douche come around too. You and that little marvel have drawn tons of miraculous scribbles that you think are absolutely the best. When you showed the pictures to Rosis, she all up and put it on that white box thing that is pretty fuckin cold. 

"A masterpiece such as this needs to be properly displayed," she explained, nodding her head with a small smile. Your little heart just swelled with pride from seeing that. Someone liked something you did! That ain't ever happened before! 

Today, she wants to all up and get deeper into your mind. Your fucked up, chemically altered, drug poisoned mind. You've tried tellin her on more than one occasion that this motherfucker ain't got his know on as to the fuckin past, but she just nods her head, her blonde hair swaying with her, and tells you to try anyways. 

Actually, you're findin it easier to remember things- easier to recall those motherfuckin horrors. You don't like rememberin them very much. Those people made you do some pretty shitty things, and you hate rememberin doin them. 

"Would you care to tell me how your day went?" She asks after a while of you just sittin there. You nod your head because this is way easier to answer. 

"Karbro and blonde douche came over today," you tell her. 

"Dave?"

"Yeah, him." You know his name is Dave, you just really don't got your like on for him. "They came over and we colored a little. But since we ran out of the motherfuckin purple and red, we quit and played tag instead." 

"Who won?"

"Fuckin Karbro. Motherfucker may got short legs, but the little miracle can run faster than you'd think," you tell her, swinging your legs over the side of the plush couch. 

"Did that make you upset?"

"A little. I was supposed to win that..." she doesn't react to your answer, she just writes something down- like what you seen the Doc do. Apparently she is a doctor too, but you don't understand that. To you, she is just Rosis. Your therapist. Which you also don't know what that is. But you like the way it sounds when you say it, so it must be amazing. 

"Why do you say that?"

"Because," you start off, tryin to explain to her what is so fuckin obvious, "I'm bigger, stronger, older, and higher than him. Wait... I mean... I have longer legs. My blood ain't got nothin to do with runnin..." You correct yourself, tryin to remember what the Doc told you about blood.

"It is okay, Gamzee, I understand. Please, continue."

"So then I told him that he musta cheated and he got mad at me and started yellin his angry words. So I told him to shut the fuck up and he got sad and started cussin me out- little dude has a hella bad potty mouth- and I guess we ain't friends anymore." You start to tear up a little because he was your only friend. It makes you mad to think about how stupid you were. "Why caint I ever say somethin that ain't stupid?" you mutter, shaking your head and lookin down at your hands. 

Rosis looks at you and shakes her head. "I do not think you are stupid. In fact, I believe that you are a highly intelligent individual with complex emotions and advanced thoughts- you merely have a hard time expressing them because of your traumatic condition and substance-abuse hinderences," she responded, puttin a hand on your shoulder.

Yeah, you didn't get a word of that.

But you think it was a compliment and therefore, something that you should thank her for. You don't get compliments a lot. And if Karbro really aint your friend anymore, then you'll be hearin them even less. 

"Thanks, Rosis. Do you think that we ain't gunna be friends ever again?" You ask her, frowning and wiping the tears that are  trying to escape your eyes. She shakes her head and you feel a huge motherfuckin wave of relief splash all up and on your fuckin mind. 

Over the course of the next few weeks, you find that she was right, and that you and Karbro fight all the time. But yall always make up, so it's chill. Eventually, you feel comfortable enough to open up to her about the shit from your past.

You tell her about their disciplinary system. Bad things= beatings. Good things= food and baths. You motherfuckin LOVE baths. When you're bein raised in motherfuckin filth and livin like you're trash, it's nice to get the motherfuckin feel on for that lemony-fresh feeling. They kept you inside a kennel at night and sometimes wouldn't let you out for days, makin you sleep in your own shit and piss. But that wasn't so awful compared to the fights. You always looked forward to those fights, despite the hella horrible shit you had to do in them. You knew that when those fights would come up, you would get fed. First, they would keep the food from you, and then, if you won the fight, you would get fed delicious real food- not that shitty dog food. One time, you tried to steal some food, and even now, you still have the scar on your side where they stabbed you with that fork. Why they chose a fork, you still don't know.

You were always forced to maime, and if permitted, kill. Each time, you would find it easier, so you sought out funnier ways to murder. Hell, you thought, might as well find a way to make this enjoyable. You remember choking a troll by breaking off a piece of his horn and shoving it down his throat, laughin something about candy corn and Halloween. 

Why did you laugh? Because if you had no other reason to kill them, you would've gone insane. Well, that and the drugs. 

Apparently, you weren't supposed to kill the trolls you fought. It was against the rules. But after your owners told you that they would be putting you in "all or nothing" types of fights... that got a little scary.

Your first murder messed you up hella bad- shakin and feral and shit- so they gave you some weird thing and it made you feel okay with their deaths. Around this time, you developed your only hope- the Mirthful Messiahs. They comforted you with their promises of never-ending mirth and calm. You knew that as long as you were the one doing the killing, the Messiahs would accept their souls and welcome them to the dark carnival in the heavens.

You could hear them- whispering their prophecies in your chewed-up ear, and they told you to never stress because those owners could never own you. 

Your heart sped up quickly, refusing to stop as you gave her excited details about the deaths. You were motherfuckin gettin your realization on. Everything was makin sense now. 

Until the doc came in and stuck a needle in you. 

Then, you passed out. 

Well shit. 

Equius: What just happened? -->

The highblood has passed out. That is what has happened. 

He was beginning to become dangerously rowdy and incoherent, getting in Dr. Lalonde's face and screaming and laughing. You hurried to stabilize him, tranquizing him quickly before he inflicted any harm to his therapist.  

"This is deeper than I expected," she comments sadly, sighing and shaking her head as she held the troll like a toddler. "But actually, this sort of mental illness is common for his blood color. Most suffer from varying degrees of schizophrenia. Fortunately, I think his is still a little on the calm side."

"Perhaps medication is in order for this?" You ask her, drawing up your diagnostic board to chart any medications that she would recommend.

"Well, I think that he is actually a fairly stable troll. He is definitely showing certain symptoms of substance withdrawal and his rage is mostly under control and usually only drawn out when provoked. He has the maturity of a 10-year old boy, but thinks similar to an adult. He is going to need a lot of reconcilitory counciling for a while," she answers, shaking her head sadly as she looked at Gamzee's unconcious form.

You nod your head as you write down what she is saying. "Should we keep him away from outside contact until he has calmed down again?"

"I believe the memories are what caused this outburst. As long as no one mentions it, he should be fine. However, I would like to learn more about the identity of his previous owners in order to possibly file a police report." She sets Gamzee down on the white bed that you brought in just for him. 

"Which would mean constant surveillance and tranquilizers available," you add, nodding and writing this down as well. You hear her sigh and raise you raise an eyebrow as you look at her. 

"I feel bad for him. I know that he is not the only one who has gone through something like this, but he is so verbal about it... It cannot be an easy subject for him. Obviously demonstrated by his actions... perhaps it would be easier for him to find a creative outlet to express his inner thoughts and feelings in a less dangerous and triggering way," she comments, narrowing her eyes in thought. "Oh! He could paint. That is something he enjoys, perhaps he can paint for me?" 

You nod your head, thinking that this sounds like a good idea. Meanwhile, you have already begun that police report, documenting your analysis of his physical and mental health conditions. Someone is going to be VERY sorry that they ever trafficked with troll fighting. 

Even thinking about it makes you angry. You are known for your patience and your soft disposition when caring for animals and trolls- but humans are a different story. 

You don't care for humans much. 

At all. 

Gamzee: Wake up -->


	4. Gamzee: Wake Up -->

Gamzee: Wake Up-->

Oh fuckin shit. This sucks major ass. 

You're motherfuckin awake now, but you got this headache what's messin you up hella bad. Shit hurts like a bitch. You look around, tryin to get your familiar on with this goddamn place. It's different than what you remember- more smart-lookin. There's books everywhere and it's hella cold in this bitch. You shiver unvoluntarily because messiahs know you ain't feelin warm. Prolly cause of your cold blood.

The tall motherfucker is gettin his stare on at you, raisin' an eyebrow all like he's evaluatin you. Hell... that shit's makin you uncomfortable. Motherfucker should stop... 

"Gamzee, you have awoken. How are you feeling?" He asks you, all official-like. Another shiver rakes your body as you try to figure out why you're in here. 

"Cold as hell." He raises another eyebrow at that but stands to fetch you a little blue blanket that fits you okay except for the fact that your legs stick out a little at the bottom. You've always been a tall motherfucker- even if you're still pretty young. 

"Yes, well other than that. Do you feel any soreness? Aches? Nausea?" he lists, holdin up his little clipboard and pen. You cough slightly and frown, lookin in the opposite direction. You have a feeling that this is the bitch that fucked you up. If that's the motherfuckin case, he better not be gettin his wait on because you ain't talkin.

"Why am I here?" You ask, wanting to make sure that you had a reason to not talk before you get to shutting up.

"You have been under intense therapy for a few weeks. We have finally gotten to the source of your problems and are looking for ways to help you. As to why you don't remember: you will eventually remember, but it may take some time. I would suggest that you remain calm and try not to strain yourself- your muscles are in a flexed state as it is, further stimulation could cause damage to your mental state."

Ah, so this motherfucker's the reason why you're all jacked up. Well shit. 

"Did I say it was okay?" You ask, not remembering givin them permission to get their snoop on in your thinkpan. Hell, they've probably swindled a hella lot of info from you. Man that's bitchy. 

"Yes, we made sure to acquire your consent before each session." Oh, you remember that a little bit. Mostly what you remember is a bunch of red and Rage. Hell, that shit is a little violent. Wait... Painting? You did that. Oh yeah! Heh, that was motherfuckin fun. You remember liking that. All those fuckin colors all sprayed out on the page like a fuckin rainbow- mixing together like miracles. 

"I painted," you say quietly, grinning lightly because you have discovered something that you like other than fighting. The doctor raises an eyebrow at you with knowing eyes and you tilt your head. He likes to wriggle them eyebrows a lot. 

"Yes. You seemed to enjoy it." You nod your head in response and look at your scarred hands sheepishly. Shit's got you all blushin and you really just wanna get the fuck off that bed. 

"Why am I awake now? Why did y'all all and wake me now?" you ask, a little confused. 

"Well, you were not actually asleep, you have merely been subjected to several tranquilizers over the course of these weeks. You will begin remembering the therapy you have been under soon, so please do not stress too much. What we would like to do now, is ask for your permission to begin integrating you with other trolls. We feel that in order to help you grow used to them, you must first be exposed to them in a positive light. We have a foster home prepared for you if you are interested. Of course we invited the foster parent over in order for you and their current troll resident to introduce yourselves since you two will be living together," he explains, his voicing turning into background knowledge as you start to zone out. You don't know how long you zoned out for, but it must have been a while because the next thing you know, the doc is snappin in your direction in order to get your attention. 

"Gamzee, your foster parents are here, would you please come with me to meet them?" the nurse asks- apparently she came in the room or something. You shake your head to focus back on whatever is goin on and look at them, shrugging your shoulders. You cross your arms and lay back on the bed, sighing quietly and turning on your side. 

"I think I'm motherfuckin chill right here," you mumble. You have decided that you seriously don't like this feeling of being awake and moved around like some sorta juggling pin. Maybe the nurse gets worried or some shit because she comes over to you and pets you on the head- in a lovin way, not like a pet. If had been like a pet, you would've probably bitten her. Well, you would've tried. 

"What's wrong, Gamzee?" she asks gently. You shrug. 

"Just bring 'em in," you order her, closing your eyes. You think that maybe she was looking at you for a while but you didn't care because she finally left. 

All you can focus on is the sound of your heart which ain't been gettin its steady on for a long-ass while. What are you gunna do? 

More people. 

More expectations.

More risks. 

More trolls. 

You aren't sure that you can do this.

You don't know if you can all up and handle this. 

You just want to quit feelin scared. You don't want to feel anything. Nothing. 

You nervously look around the room, footsteps approaching the door. Oh god. 

Ohgodohgodohgod.

You just want them to go away. 

You just want to go away.

Please....

"Gamzee, this is Ms. Megido. She'll be your foster parent for a little while," you heard the nurse say, callin for you in her singy voice. Your bloodpusher is on overdrive and oh god they should leave. You are feeling so nervous. Why have you never felt like this before? What is this? Makin you all up and worried about things. There has to be something you can do to make this feeling go away. There has to be. You start to get your panic on. The room is gettin smaller. You need to get the fuck out of here. You're gunna die. 

You can see your old fightin area. Oh hell... you're back. 

"C'mon Gamzee, win us a good one and we'll make sure to clean ya up reeeal nice!" Your owners are calling to you. Cheering you on. The whole stadium is back. You look around, but can't see your victim. Well, where is the motherfucker? You need to be gettin your kill on soon or you won't be gettin a bath tonight. You haven't had one in months and could really motherfuckin do for gettin your clean on off all this motherfuckin shit you got on you. Those motherfuckers keep you all up and in that shit hell hole and don't bother takin you out to pee or shit. 

You get up off the ground and look around, extending your claws and widening your mouth so that you can show off your motherfuckin chompers. You snarl as you rest your eyes on a tall human. You ain't never fought a human before. But maybe this win will get you dinner too! Oh sweet mirthful messiahs, thank you! You rear up, waiting for her to move. You don't like attackin first. 

You can hear screamin faintly in the distance but you can't really make out what the hell they got their yellin on about. Oh well, you got a job to do. Maybe this human will kill you and put you out of your misery. Let's hope so. 

She takes a step back and you lunge at her, throwing your body at her as hard as you can but suddenly a hard wall is in your way. You look up and can't tell if this is a wall or not, but the motherfucker's got somethin pointy and before you know it, you're motherfuckin out.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tavros: Be scared -->

No one has to tell you twice. You are shivering behind your mom and you are feeling really anxious about all of this. 

She told you a week ago about the troll that would be living with you guys and you were a little nervous about it. Of course she made sure to assure you that it would all be fine. And is it fine? NO. She was almost killed! You are having a hard time breathing- but you get anxious like this all the time. You know that you just have to take deep breaths- well, force yourself to take deep breaths. You don't like the feeling of passing out, so you know that you are going to have to breathe at some point anyways. 

The big human doctor guy turns back to look at you all, shaking his head and sighing as his nurse lady took care of laying the troll(who just tried to kill you all) back in his bed. 

"We apologize. We had not realized what the stress of foster care would do to him- I assure you that he is typically better-mannered than this. Perhaps we should take it slower," he offers, looking back at the nurse and the troll. Your mom sighs and nods, frowning slightly. 

"I understand the situation, so it's okay." You look up at her and tilt your head in confusion. 

"What is the uh.... situation momma?" You ask her. She looks down at you and smiles. 

"Gamzee has been through a lot of hard times in his life, so he is a little scared. But you and I are going to help him. We're going to show him that it's okay to be around people and other trolls." You look over at his small, thin body and wonder why a troll would ever have to be treated like that. You can see it now though. You can faintly see the scars that decorate his body.

"Okay." 

Tavros: Help Gamzee wake up -->

 


	5. Tavros: Help Gamzee wake up -->

Tavros: Help Gamzee Wake Up-->

 Your momma is pushing you gently towards the troll who is still unconscious. She wants you to get a better look. 

You don't really want that. 

"It's okay Tavros, he is asleep. You can look at him," she tells you, trying to sound soothing. 

It doesn't work. Well...

Maybe a little. 

She sits you beside him and now you can see his face. 

It's all scarred and kind of sunken in. You wonder if the hospital has been feeing him. Which you then remember that they do because you had to stay here too. So he must not be eating very well. 

He twitches in his sleep a little, whimpering and flinching when your breath touches his skin. Oh that's right, he's cold-blooded. You look at his thin, lanky arms and notice more light scars tracing his skin. 

"Momma, why is he so hurt?" You ask. She looks at you sadly and sighs. 

"He used to get into fights because his owners forced him to," she explained. You furrow your brows. 

"Why would they do that?" 

"Because they would get money every time he won a fight." 

Your eyes widen as you look down at him. He is considerably more scary to you now. You are scared to touch him, scared to move from your spot. And yet... 

You place a tentative finger on his arm and run it up his skin. He shivers but seems to like it. Maybe he wants some warmth? 

"Momma, I uh... Think he is cold." 

You put your small hands on his face and hold them there, trying to keep him warm. He leans into your touch before letting out a broken rumbling noise from his chest. 

He is.... Purring? 

But then the world stops because his eyes are open now. 

Your heart is beating so fast...

You are scared. 

What will he do? 

For a moment that is seemingly endless, the two of you are just staring at each other. Your brown-flecked eyes looking into his purple ones. His breathing is just as quick as yours. You both don't know what to do. 

He looks scared too. 

You don't want to frighten him more because you are scared that he might get violent, so you form words. 

Except he had the same idea. 

"S-sorry, I-"

"Hey, bro-"

"oh, you can go first-"

"sorry, go ahead-"

You both fumble, speaking at the same time. You look at each other and laugh a little. 

"Ok, sorry brother. I'll get my hush on," he tells you, relaxing noticeably. You realize that your hands are still on his face, so you are quick to take them off, blushing like crazy for being caught. 

"I d-didn't uh... mean to wake you up. I was trying to uh... keep you warm because you looked a little cold." He seems to like this a lot because he smiles slightly, bringing his thin arm up to ruffle your hair. 

"Nah, I'm always gettin my shiver on. I ain't cold none. Thanks little bro. Hey uh... I'm sorry for all up and gettin my freak out on ya... I got this scare sometimes that gets me all freaky," he explains, looking away a little in some mix of regret and confusion. 

"It's uh.... Okay. I don't mind much. I know you didn't really mean to. That is, you weren't trying to uh... Kill my momma." 

He tilts his head and furrows his eyebrows slightly, confused by what you just said. His thin face is easy to read, but with all the scars, you can't exactly tell if he is smiling or frowning. Possibly both. 

"That's this person," you tell him as you point to your momma with a smile. She waves and looks at Gamzee softly. You wonder if she is scared of him. 

"Hi, Gamzee, I'm Aradia Megido. Is it okay if we shake hands?" She asks him, her voice unusually soft. Now you remember. Your mom isn't afraid of anything. That alone brings a wide smile to your face. 

Gamzee still seems confused but nods and shakes her hand. 

"Wait... Uh... So I ain't tryin to get my rude on for the guests visitin and all, but what's got yall here?" He asks, pulling his blue blanket up to his neck. You do that too at home sometimes when you are feeling anxious. Your momma sits beside you and smiles slightly. 

"I wanted to take care of you and keep you at my house for a little. Just to see if you are healthy enough," she explains. Gamzee seems to think about this as he is quiet for at least five minutes, and it really does looking like he is carrying on the biggest debate of his life inside his head. After a moment though, he sighs and his shoulders drop. 

"Alright. I guess I'll do that. Motherfucker ain't got a choice, do I?" He conceded, pulling the blanket over his head. 

"You don't have to if you don't want to, Gamzee. This is entirely your choice." Mom explains, causing Gamzee to poke up from under his covers a little. 

"Huh?"

"I just wanted to invite you to stay with Tavy and me for a little bit until you can go out on your own. It might be nice to have a troll and human around to make sure your are feeling happy. Besides, I order pizza every Friday night," she tells Gamzee with a wink. He likes this idea a lot. 

"Hm... Can I get soda too?" He asks quietly, perking up slowly. Mom nods her head and grins. 

"Yep. But you have to drink juice and water too." Gamzee furrows his brows in thought and gives in, throwing his hand out with a chuckle. 

"Alright, you got me. So am I just crashin with yall for a little?"

"We will further discuss this during the paperwork signing," Dr. Zahhak answers, suddenly speaking from his silence. 

"And then you can uh... come home with us!" You say, smiling as big as you can because you hope that he likes people who smile. Gamzee looks at you and his grin widens a little.

"Home, eh? Hella cool, motherfucker." 

Gamzee: Adapt -->


	6. Gamzee: Adapt -->

Gamzee: Adapt -->

You ain't sure you all up and can because messiahs this is a big-ass crib. Her house is all clean and big and dark and fuck if you ain't gunna get lost in all of this shit. She's holdin your hand, but you got your shiverin on something awful. It ain't your fault. Not really. This place is a motherfuckin scary! 

Tavros is gettin his look on at you with that nervous little frown he has and you feel yourself relax just a bit. If that motherfucker is worried, the hell are you worried about? 

You take a deep breath and try to calm your tits. 

They are a little calmer. 

You think. 

She is givin you a tour of the place, tryin to show ya all of the cool shit she has and the room and whatever- but all you care about is that motherfuckin space on the floor that she has landed as yours.

except

Wait...

You snap out of your zone when yall have stopped in a room longer than the others. 

"Hm? Are we done lookin?" You ask her. She laughs a little and looks at you, kneeling down. 

"I asked if you like your room," she tells you. Your eyes widen as you look around. 

You've never had a room before. At least, one that wasn't a shit-stained cage in a dusty cellar or muggy garage. 

"All a' this? Are ya sure? I mean, I just need a little pile in the corner of anywhere and I'm good," you try to tell her. She isn't listening. She shakes her head and smiles at you again. 

"No, this entire room is for you, and we are going to decorate it once you've settled in," she answers, grinning widely. You don't have words to say, so you just look around and blink. For some reason, you feel horrible. 

Your shoulders get their slump on and you ain't got the able to muster a smile. 

All this for you. 

You look at the ground and get your frown on because you feel like shit. Mumbling a thank you, you pace around the room, tryin to find something wrong with it. Except it's motherfuckin squeaky clean and smells like comfort and love. It's miraculous.

"Is there something the matter, Gamzee?" she asks, kneeling down beside you. You shake your head, messy motherfuckin curls gettin their bounce on in front of your face, and try to smile for her.

"Nah sis, I just get a little worked up sometimes. It's just so nice. I ain't uh... I've never been in a place like this before and I guess I'm a little messed up by it. It's fuckin' miralcles," you answer, trying to sound all smart and shit. You don't want her to think you got your stupid on. That would suck buldge. Her face gets all unreadble for a spell but then that smile is all back and facin you full force.

"I'm sure we'll be able to get you settled in soon enough," she tells you calmly, repeatin what she said earlier. You feel a little tug at your blue doctor dress thingy and turn to look at the person responsible. It's the short motherfucker that's got his shy on all the time.

"Uh..." he starts, lookin down at his hands. "You wanna see my room?" You think about it because you haven't really seen another troll's room before. What are they even supposed to look like? What is a room even for? Heh, big-ass questions. This is a motherfuckin golden oportunity to get your investigatin on.

"Sure, but I ain't never seen one before, so you're gunna hafta give me a tour and shit," you warn him, nodding your head. The little motherfucker smiles real big and nods his head so hard you think he's gunna fall over the way his big-ass horns are movin. Well, you weren't wrong- he wobbles a little and has to get to rightin his footin before he tells the tall lady about what he's gettin his want on for. She doesn't seem to mind this, and nods, tellin y'all that she'll be orderin a pizza downstairs if you need her. You ain't needed nobody before, so you ain't gunna start needin people now- but it's a nice gesture on her part.

He leads you down a hallway until you're pulled into a room. It's brown and big and there are motherfuckin rectangular paper things all over the motherfuckin floor. You see a little pile in the corner of the room along with a human bed. The bed looks like it's been used more. Weird.

"So uh... sorry about the uh... mess. I forgot to clean it this morning because I was up all night playing fiduspawn," he says as he takes you around the room, careful to make sure you don't step on any of his little toys. You feel a little jealous- you've never had a toy before. Well, aside from the one that the doc let you play with to make sure you weren't a horrible douche. Except you are a little. But c'mon, everybody's a little douchey.

You kneel down and look at his pile, which consists of fluffy toys and fuzzy pillows. Motherfucker is sure cozy. You hear him make a small nervous chuckle behind you and clears his throat.

"Yeah, I slept in that when I was still a baby," he explains sheepishly. You give him a weird look because you don't get it. "Oh... uh... I mean, wriggler. Sorry." You stand up and face him, an eyebrow raised.

"How long you been a pet, motherfucker?" He flinches at your cussin, but looks down a the floor.

"I'm not a pet..."

"How do you mean you ain't a pet? She owns you, right?"

"Yeah..." he nods, frowning. "But I'm not her pet. I'm more like her... uh... son."

"Y'all ain't kin..." you mumble, furrowing your brows.

"Yeah, but she adopted me when I was still a pupa, still in the egg. I've been raised like a human, so I'm her adoptive son," he pauses for a moment, and you can tell he is gettin his think on. "You don't have to be blood to be family, Gamzee."

You don't like this. No. Because if bein adopted means that you are related to the people who bought you....

"Yeah, okay. Whatever you say, motherfucker." You decide that it's best to get angry about it later because you don't want to get kicked out just yet. "So what's this thing?" you ask, pointing to a door. You're tryin to change the subject before you get to ragin.

"Oh, that's a closet. We put clothes, toys, and things we don't want to actually put away in there," he answers, nervously moving beside you to open the door. So many clothes! What the fuck?

"Woah motherfucker! Who else shares these with you?" you ask, a little more than shocked. He tilts his head in confusion at you.

"Uh,... no one? They're mine," he answers, furrowing his brows. You look into the room of things you've never seen and decide to just leave it be. "Didn't you have a closet?"

You chuckle dryly and shake your head. What an ignorant little asshole.

"Nah, I was too busy being caged and beaten to get my own closet. I got one shirt and one pair a' pants. I didn't have toys to shove in my closet because I didn't have nothin. I had a little cat carrier thing that I sat in. Thing was my shithole, pisshole, and bed. So nah, I didn't have the comf life like you got," you snap back at him, your muscles tensing. You ain't botherin to look at the motherfucker because you know that if you look at him, you're gunna hit him. Hard.

"I-I-I'm... s-s-sorry! I was just curious about where you l-l-lived! I didn't mean any uh... harm by it!" he tells you, apologizin and gettin emotional. You sigh and slump your shoulders. You gotta remember that you cain't be actin like this if they're ever gunna let you go free.

"Whatever, I'm the one who should be gettin my sorry on for. I just got a little frustrated is all. You didn't do nothin wrong. I'm bein an asshole..." you look down at the ground and turn to face him, but ain't meetin his eyes.

"No you're uh... not. You're just having a hard time. Maybe you and I should uh... go to the playroom?" He offers. Wait, the playroom? What's that? An entire room for playing?

"Playroom? Does it got paint?" you ask quietly. You look up for a moment to see his face smiling up at you, his brown eyes barely escaping the black that younglings got. You gotta admit, that is the cutest little face you've ever seen.

"Yeah! All kinds of colors too!" You look away and grin, not wantin him to see it.

"Alright. Let's go then!" you say, actually excited for this.

 You and him get real close after that- spendin the whole motherfuckin day playin and pretending. You're havin so much fun that you don't even notice when the lady calls yall from downstairs.

"Bedtime!" you hear her say. Tavros groans and slumps his shoulders.

"What?" you ask, confused for why he would be sad about sleepin.

"I wanted to play with you some more..."

"Well, don't worry motherfucker! I'll sneak in your dreams and we'll play together then!" you tell him, laughing a little.

"Or! You could sneak in after momma is done checkin on us! We can have a sleepover!" he squeaks, smiling and getting excited. You're gettin excited too, but you don't really know what he's talkin about.

"Yeah! Sure!" You two plot the whole thing, and when it happens, y'all are so excited you can barely stand it. You creep into his room, makin sure to keep quiet so as to not wake the lady. "Psst!!" You signal him, crawlin on the floor. He signals you back with an excited squeal and you shoosh him- you don't want him to ruin the plan. You slank up into his bed and the two of you hide under the covers, flickin on the light thingy he had hidden under his pillow.

"Hehehehehe! This is so cool!!" he whispers to you, giggling madly. You're gigglin too, noddin your head and givin him a high-five (which he taught you).

"Motherfucker, it's like we got a whole 'nother world that's just ours," you state quietly, smiling like crazy. He laughing too until he stops and looks at you, studyin your face. "What is it?" you ask.

"Your face, why do you have those three scars running down it?" he asks, pointing at them. Your smile immediately drops.

"Got 'em in a fight..." you answer quietly, looking down at your lap. Damn. Why does this motherfucker gotta ask all the wrong questions? 

Tavros: Paint -->


	7. Chapter 7

Tavros: Paint-->

You smirk to yourself in a fairly mischievous manner, if you do say so yourself. You furrow your brows to concentrate a little better, taking great care in your work. Gamzee is looking at you with a lazy expression, his tired grin very lopsided.

"I like them, they make you look cool," you told him, trying to cheer him up. He smiled weakly at you and shook his head.

"makes me scary..."

"And... You don't want that?" You asked him. He gave you a look of dumbfoundment before shaking his head vigorously.

"Course not! I ain't a scary motherfucker... I just got this face and all that people ain't got their likin on for." He looked at his hands, bringing them up to cover his face.

You looked at him sadly. He obviously is insecure about the scars... If he could just... Cover them up...

"hey! I saw mama do something once that covered up red bumps on her face! She painted all over it! Want to uh... try it?" you offered him. The nodding of his head brought you here to the art room.

"Is it almost done, tavbro?" he asks, looking into your eyes. You pull back to look at him and raise an eyebrow.

"Are you uh... Sure these are the colors you want? And for it to uh... look like this?" you ask as you hold up a mirror for him.

His face lights up immediately and you can tell that he is way more than happy.

He puts down the mirror and seals the make up before leaping and throwing his arms around your neck, hugging you hard. "This is seriously the best thing anyone has ever done for me, you miraculous motherfucker!" He says. He sounds like he is close to tears, and when he pulls back to look at you, he is. "You're my best friend, Tavros," he pauses a moment and chuckles dryly. "I ain't had one of those before."

"Well uh... That's okay because you are uh... Mine... As well."

You have a hard time saying things, but you think he understood the message because his eyes light up and he pulls you back in for abother crippling hug. 

"Tavbro?" He asks. 

"Gamzee?" 

"I don't wanna leave this place. I like it here."

He's only been here a day and he thinks that he has found his forever home. You smile and nod in agreement. 

"Yeah! You could stay here forever!"

"That," you hear a voice tell you, "is up to me and Doctor Zahhak to decide." Oh no... You've been caught! 

You jump and turn around, eyes wide because you never disobey her. Well... except when you play fiduspawn under the blankets after lights out... 

"Momma! Oh uh... w-we were just-"

"it's my fault! Don't get to punishin this little miracle for my bad influence. I'll be takin the heat," he tells momma, standing up. This is when you begin to notice that he is much much taller than you when he stands up straight.

Momma raises an eyebrow and crosses her arms over her chest. 

"Tavros knew better. However, since this is has been an exciting day, I'll let it pass. Unfortunately, I don't really think you and Gamzee should sleep together just yet," she tells you. You furrow your brows and get angry- something to don't normally feel.

But when you you see Gamzee's slumped shoulders, you realize that he seems to understand something that you don't. 

"Why?!"

"dear, just go to bed. I'll take Gamzee back to his room and I'll be in yours to tuck you in, okay?" She asks you.

"Okay..." You mumble, waving goodbye to Gamzee as you turn and leave.

Gamzee: Go to bed -->

 You sure as hell know why she ain't wantin your company in his bed. 

You still get those nightmares that make you freaky sometimes. 

"I'm sorry that I'm makin yall upset," you tell her, looking at the floor as you walk. She puts a hand on your shoulder and gives a gentle squeeze. 

"It's alright, Gamzee. I just didn't you to feel uncomfortable yet. Besides, Im skittle disappointed by your lack of enthusiasm about getting your own room."

oh yeah, you got your own space now! 

"mmm, I'm excited," you tell her, yawning a little. 

"I like your facepaint. Will you be wearing it often?" 

"Hm... Yep!" You decide that this is a good thing. People like clowns, and they make people laugh! 

She helps you into bed and pulls the blankets around you, tucking you in.

You've never felt so entitled in your life. 

This is the kind of life you have only dreamed of. 

She smiles at you and kisses the top of your head, minding your horns. 

"Goodnight, Gamzee." 

"Night, Ms. Megido-sis." 

Gamzee: Integrate -->


	8. Gamzee: Integrate-->

Gamzee: Integrate-->

You're looking around the big store and your peepers are getting the most wicked sight on all these colors. The air smells all sweet and you are so motherfuckin high off of this shit right now. 

"What is this place?" You ask Megido-sis. She looks down at you and grins. 

"It's a candy shop."

Your peepers go wide. You've heard about candy from Tavbro, but you ain't ever seen them before. You cain't see enough of it! There's motherfucking goodies everywhere, callin out to you, beggin for your taste buds to get their smack on. 

"What do they taste like?" You ask Tavbro. He smiles at you with that shy little smile and shrugs. 

"I guess you'll uh... Have to taste it for yourself." 

They don't have to tell you twice. 

An hour later you can barely sit still on the car ride home. You have a fizzy elixir in one hand and some sugary shit in the other. You're shaking faster than you knew you could and you already know your eyes are wide as fuck. 

"Tavtavtavtavtav, I know what I'm gunna do when we get home. Yep. This motherfucker is gunna paint his whole room. I ain't shitting you you. The whole thing."

"Yeah! Me too! My whole room! And the house too!"

"Hell yeah motherfucker! I'll get the car and then help you out on the house."

You and Tav like to plan things together because y'all have a problem with actually getting things done.

Meanwhile, Megido-sis is getting her smile on. She must think somethin is awful funny.

When y'all finally get home, you caint even open your eyes. Ms. Megido opens the door and helps you out of the booster seat you have to sit in (apparently there's a weight limit or somethin, you don't know, but it feels like a throne, so you don't mind much). She holds you in her arms and you can feel someone else beside you. She must be holdin Tav too. You can feel movement, and you think that she is carrying yall inside. 

You like it when she carries you. 

You can hear things going on, people talkin, but you can't move. You're so tired, you could probably fall on the motherfuckin floor right now and not feel a thing. 

When she sits on the couch with the two of you close to her, you realize why Tav sees her as kin. Trolls don't feel familial ties, not really. But this... It feels so... There ain't words. Not any you know anyways. 

She's rubbin your back while she's talking to somebody, a dude. You ain't sure who it is, but they sound chill enough. You feel so calm you could just....

Your chest makes a loud creaking noise and it makes every motherfucker in the room jump.

Hell, you scared the shit out of yourself too. 

Your eyes are wide now and you are being stared at hardcore. 

You can see that the dude isn't just one dude, but two. The Doc and the blonde douchebag. 

They look surprised. 

Ms. Megido is lookin down at you a little wearily. She don't seem too sure about what just happened. 

"Oh, you're awake. Are you okay? Is there something wrong?" She asks. You furrow your eyebrows. 

"I'm fine. Uh... what just...?" 

"Gamzee, were you growling just then?" The doc asks. You shake your head. 

"Uh... I don't think so... Shit... My rumble cage is hurtin..." You mumble in response. The doc raises an eyebrow and seems to look curious. 

The blonde douche even seems slightly surprised, but you caint really tell with those sunglasses. Man... What an asshole...

It's then when you see that he brought Karkat and some other troll with him. The other troll is skinny and has four horns. What the hell...?

"A check-up may be in order. Ms. Megido, you wouldn't mind if we pause this playdate so I can run a quick exam on him?" He asks your lady. She nods and looks at you. 

"Would that be okay, Gamzee?" 

You look up at her and get to nodding cause you want to know what the fuck just happened.

The doc gets up from his chair and holds out his hand to you. You kinda stare at it for a second before reaching out and taking it. his hand is warm and big and you can tell he is a lot stronger than the gentle grip he has on your tiny hand. 

He's takin you to the nearest bathroom and sitting you on the toilet seat. It took you a while to get used to a toilet. You still have accidents sometimes... But Tav helps you hide the evidence because he knows how embarrassing it is. You're a little jealous at how good Tav is at stuff like that. 

The doc conveniently has some shit that he can use to listen to your chest with. His metal thingy goes under your baggy black shirt and touches your cold grey skin.

"Can you make that sound again?" He asks as he listens to you breathe. You think about it and wonder what sound you were even trying to make the first time. 

"Uh... I can try..." you tell him, even though you ain't for the know-how for wha you're really supposed to be all up and doin. You try to remember what caused it. You were just feelin sweet. Totally happy. 

You close your eyes. 

It ain't workin...

"I think... I dunno... I was just happy or somethin..." You tell him. He seems to understand what you're saying because he nods his head and picks you up gently. 

"I'm going to rub your horns and try to calm you down, is that okay?" He asks you. You feel your face run cold with your purple blood and you nod. 

Why not, he seems like a nice guy. 

The moment he brings you to his chest and holds you there, you never want to leave. 

He's so big and warm- you're just surrounded by him. He's so gentle and caring about what he's doing that you close your eyes and try to melt into the touch. 

But it's when he gently strokes your horn that you die.

You go slack in his arms instantly. 

You've had other trolls grab your horns before- usually to try and throw you around- but this is so different. It's so calming and you just want it to keep happening. 

And then the sound happens again and holy fuck does it freak you out. But this time, he just holds you and keeps doing what he's doin. Your weird noise starts to become more pleasant, less strained and garbled. 

"What is happening is called 'purring' and happens when trolls feel safe and happy. You most likely have not used your purr in a long period of time or possibly ever. My suggestion is to find more ways to stimulate this feeling and to consistanfly seek out opportunities where you can use your purr," he explains to you but you ain't really listening. You rub your face in his shoulder and try to be as close to him as possible. 

"Mhmmmmmm," you hum, a small smile on your painted face. 

You can feel him get up and leave the bathroom but you're pretty content to just kinda stay right where you are. Even when he sits down, you try to stay there. Unfortunately, these peeps have other plans. 

"So, I invited Dave over so that you can meet Sollux and you can all play together," Ms. Megido-sis tells you. You nod and give a wave in 'Sollux's' direction. "Dr. Zahhak came to observe how you interact with them. Is that okay?" You actually look at her and nod. 

"I like the doc. He's a chill-ass motherfucker."

\-------------------------

An hour later, you, Tav, Sol-bro, and Karbro are all playing a game of ninja troll warriors. Karbro is the leader, Sollux is the smartypants, Tavbro is ninja sensei, and you are the ninja with hella mad skill with 'takin em out'- whatever that means. Y'all are fighting against the evils of the floor made of lava and are trying to find safety as you jump around the room to keep from dying. 

Tavbro falls on the floor, his legs getting caught in the lava. 

"Leave me behind! Don't let the robots get you!"

Karbro won't let that happen, and you know it. He jumps over to Tav and helps him up, being Tav's crutch. 

"No! I leave no troll behind! Let's go!" He calls, helping Tav. We all clap for his motherfuckin bravery. What a hero. 

Y'all party like this for a while because it's just so fun.

But then it turns out that Solbro was a double-agent, and has double-crossed y'all. 

He's cacklin evilly and you're facin him down. 

"End of the line, Gamthee!" He calls out. 

A part of you knows that this is just a game. 

A part of you knows that it's just for fun.

But a bigger part of you knows that you don't like feeling this way. It's fuckin horrible.

Hell no... You won't let him corner you. 

You can feel something tingly happenin at the tips of your fingers and its got your hair standin up. 

"wait... What the...?" Sollux mumbles, looking around. You ain't sure what's happening.

"Y'all ain't gunna get me, motherfucker. I ain't gunna die just yet! I GOTTA LIVE A LITTLE LONGER!" You yell before sending somethin at him that you ain't sure it all and is doing before he is in a fetal position on the ground. 

He's whimperin and mumblin something while he's grabbin at his head.

Your eyes widen and you are very scared for what you've done. 

Tavros: Pause the Game -->


	9. Tavros: Pause the Game =>

Tavros: Pause the Game =>

You watch as Karkat pauses the gams before you can (he IS the leader, after all) and kneels beside Sollux, checking on him. 

"What the fuck, Gamzee?! Seriously, not cool!" He yells as he glares up at gamzee. You see Gamzee shaking and looking at his hands, wide eyed and very scared.

"oh shit. Oh shit. Ohshitohshitohshitohshit," he mumbles as he backs away from the two of them slowly. 

"Gamzee, what happened?" You ask him quietly, but he doesn't seem to be able to hear you. 

"Ohshitoshitohshit..."

"Fuck you! What did you do? It was just a fucking game!" Karkat asks, carmine taking over his face. 

"Woah woah woah, what's all the fussin about? Y'all fighting over who should be the leader again?" Mr. Dave asks as he steps in, hands in his pockets. He seems to be pretty calm despite what he sees, but you notice his eyebrows twitch just a hair at the sight of one of his trolls on the floor in pain. 

"Gamzee didn't play fair!" Karkat tells him, crossing his arms in a huff. "He hurt Thollux." This gets a reaction out of Mr. Dave because he quickly moves beside Sollux with a grace only Striders possess. 

"Oh yeah? What did he do?" He asks. The room falls silent aside from Sollux's whimpering and Karkat shakes his head. 

"I don't know. But he did something!" Karkat answers, glaring at Gamzee again. You look at Gamzee now and you see that he is about to make a decision. At least, that's what it looks like. 

"So what happened little man? Yall roughhousing too hard and Gamzee took it a little too far?"  Mr. Dave asks. You figure that is the best way to say it and nod your head, even though he is talking to Karkat (Who also nods his head). "Alright, it's cool. Let's just go to the doc and he'll check up on Sol, cool?" He asks, turning to look at Gamzee except Gamzee isn't there- something that shocks you a little because you were right beside him. "Woah, where'd he go?" 

You should've seen this coming, really, because this is always what Gamzee does. He runs away from the trouble he gets into. Thankfully, your house isn't big, so there aren't many places he can hide. 

"I can look for him," you tell Mr. Dave. He nods and picks Sollux up from the ground, cradling him in his arms. 

"Alright, I'll take little dude here to the doc, see if you can get Gamzee to come down and tell us what happened, kay?" He asks, walking out and not really leaving you a choice. You frown as Karkat walks past you with a really anxious look on his face.

The first place you check is the exact place he is (and that's something you feel secretly cool for). He's in his room neck-deep in his weird little bicycle horn pile (Which is something he invented because he is a little weird). You can hear small sobs coming from the pile and it breaks your heart. The room is dark and he apparently drew the curtains closed, because it is really dark- making hard for you as you try to make your way to him. Most trolls can see in the dark, but you've never been very good at it. 

Once you've made it to him, you kneel beside the pile and frown, not sure what to do. He's never done something like this before. 

"hey... Uh, Gamzee. It's uh... me. Are you okay?" You ask. 

"You should leave, Tavbro. I got this scare on real bad and I ain't got the know-how on now it works. I don't want to hurt you, bro," he tells you, his voice coarse and wavering. He is very scared. 

"Gamzee, I think you should come out. I uh.... I think that the doctor could help you. He's checking on Sollux right now, so I think that uh... It might make you feel better if you go downstairs," you tell him, tentatively moving your hand towards the fluffy black hair that's sucking out of the pile. 

"Tav, I messed up bad.... But I didn't mean to..." He mumbles, beginning to turn and look at you. You remember now that he is still really young. He's young and scared.

Your knees are reliable enough to keep you up and you hold a hand out to him. "Come on, Gamzee. It's gunna be okay." 

He eyes your hand with wide eyes, his bright purple globes meeting yours for a moment. You hesitate at seeing that. 

"Come on, Gamzee. At least don't leave my uh... Hand hanging," you tell him with a nervous smile. He frowns and his shoulders slump a little more. 

"Tav... I can't get my motherfuckin move on..." He tells you quietly. You'rs a little surprised, but you move over near him, wrapping your arms around his chest to give him a hug. 

"Gamzee, it's okay. We uh... shouldn't have been playing like that. Besides, Sollux is okay... Mr. Dave is taking him to the doctor, remember?" you try to tell him, petting his head to calm him down. You aren't very good at this, and most of the time its the little troll Karkat that gets Gamzee to chill; but you don't think Karkat is going to be helping Gamzee for a bit...

Gamzee turns around and pulls you to his chest, holding onto you and crying, his purple tears staining your clothes. "I didn't mean to T-Tav! I was just... I got caught up like a motherfucker and it reminded me of the fights and I don't want to go back to the fights, Tav. I don't want to kill anyone else. Help me..." He sobbed, desperately clinging to you. You decide that the adults are stupid if they want you to force him to go down there right now.

"You won't go back, Gamzee. Momma won't let you. We love you too much to let you go back there," you tell him, trying to hold onto him as tightly as he is hilding onto you. Except he is ridiculously strong and that would be impossible. He quickly stops and quiets down, not moving.

"What's love?" He asks after a pensive silence. 

"It's something humans feel Uh, when they really like someone."

"... And Ms. Megido loves me?" 

"Yeah! Momma thinks you're great. I love you too, Gamzee. You're my best friend," you tell him. His eyes go wide and he suddenly looks down. 

"Even.... even if I hurt people?" 

You pet his head and put your forehead against his like you've seen in movies that momma watches. 

"I love you no matter what, Gamzee. I know you don't mean to uh... Hurt people. You're still getting used to this, and uh... I'll be your friend through it all!" You tell him, picking up and holding his calloused hands, giving him a happy smile. 

His face seems to turn a shade of purple before he pulls you in for another hug.

"You're the best bro I've ever had, motherfucker! I don't know what I did to deserve you, but thank the messiahs I have you here," he exclaims, nuzzling against you. 

"are you uh... Ready to go downstairs?" You ask after letting him sit there a moment. He pauses and nods, standing up with you and holding your hand as you lead him out of the room. 

Equius: Examine the patient ==>


	10. Equius: Examine the Patient ==>

 

Equius: Examine the Patient- ->

The younger Strider has just brought you Sollux who seems to be unconscious. The small troll has yellow liquid dripping from his ears and nose and it looks like an anurism to you. Your eyes widen as Dave lays him down on the kitchen counter. Immediately you begin to check over the small body, looking for any fatal wounds or injuries. When you touch his skin the slightest bit, you get a sharp jolt up your spine. Your entire body is on edge and you can feel unsettling tingles running around you. Because of this, you notice his hair is standing on end and your brows furrow.

"Has he touched any electrical outlets, or perhaps an exposed wire?" You ask his caretaker, because this looks suspiciously like an electrical shock. The young man shakes his head and from his eyebrows, you can tell that he is worried. You must admit, you are slightly worried as well because the troll's breathing is erratic and shallow. This particular troll already has issues with eletrical currents, having to take painkillers constantly due to the intense migraines he suffers because of them.

"Gamzee did something or attacked him or something," he tells you, his head facing down indicating that he is currently looking at his troll ans not you. You frown hearing Gamzee's name and you wonder where that troll is.

"What was going on?"

The mutant troll is climbing on chairs to look at his friend when he answers, almost bitterly, "We were playing ninjas when gamzee got scared and shot magic out of his hands. Can you ground him? Or take away his toys?"You look down at the troll and sigh.

"Where is he now?" you ask Karkat, deciding that perhaps the little ones have more answers than their guardians.

"I'm over here..." you hear a gruff voice answer. You turn your head in its direction and find Gamzee and Tavros, holding hands and Gamzee's head down. You hurry over to them and look him over.

"What happened, Gamzee? Did things get out of hand?" He sniffles and nods.

"I didn't mean to hurt him, I was just trying to protect myself and I got scared..." You nod and pick him up, carrying him over to Sollux.

"Gamzee, I am going to need for you to tell me what you did. What were you thinking when you did this?" you ask him curiously, trying to get him to open up.

"I was just super scared... And I started rememberin the fights... Is he gunna be okay?" You let out a sigh of relief and wipe your forehead because you are sweating profusely.

"Yes, I understand the nature of his injuries now," you answer, beginning to wipe Sollux's nose and ears. Dave looks at you and tilts his head in curiosity.

"What exactly is the nature?"

"Well, trolls of Gamzee's caste are equipt with certain abilities. Of these, they can send eletrical currents from their brains at others, shocking their victim and showing them the thing they fear most. Sollux most likely passed out from the nightmares. As for the blood," you wipe the last drop and smile, "it was a small anurism, but his pupils arent dilated and his heartbeat is even, so he is going to be okay."

You see Gamzee visibly sigh with relief as sits on the ground with an ungraceful thump. When Tavros comes over and sits down beside him, holding his hand, you smirk and raise your eyebrows. While this is happening, no one's attention is focused over here. Everyone is concentrating on the troll who is waking up. You should probably be watching that too. You dab the sweat off of your brow as you look over the body of your patient and help him come to. He appears to be in a great deal of pain, which you sum up to a migraine.

"Hello, take it easy. Can you sit up? If so, move in a slow and delicate motion," you tell the small troll and you help him to sit up. Sollux groans and rubs his head, his eyes filckering electrically.

"What happened?" he asks, looking over to Dave who despite his typically stoic appearance, is beginning to lose his composure.

"We were playing.... And something happened... Gamzee?" he asks, looking over to where the bigger troll was. Gamzee waves at sollux and puts his head back down.

"I'm so sorry....." the purple blood tells him before pulling his knees up to his chest and burying his face so that none of uou all are able to see him cry, which is obviously what he is doing if the purple stains and sniffles are of any consequence to that evidence. Sollux appears confused and furrows his brows together, trying to understand the information that he is receiving.

"We were playing... And then you sent something at me, right?" he asks, a little quieter. Gamzee flinches and nods, shivering. The troll takes a moment to look up, face stained purple and snot dripping from his nose.

"I didnt mean to sol-bro. I w-w-was just a little scared.... I never meant to...." he is unable to finish that thought as he stands and runs to you. He hides in your coat and wipes his face on your freshly pleated pants. Fortunately, you pleat pants three times a day, and these particular pantaloons are stain resistant, so you kneel down to pick him up. You would be lying if you said that your heart did not hold a soft special place for Gamzee. While you recognize the importance of retaining the professionalism that accompanies the occupation of medicine, it also important to admit that you couldnt care less.

"Gamzee, it is okay. Shhhh, its okay. He is fine, merely shaken up. It is alright," you tell him as you hold him against your chest. He feels so tiny in your strong arms and you worry that you might break him; this of course, is before you remember that he nearly impossible to kill, even if you wanted to.

" _This troll has gone through hell and back and I would be hard pressed to believe that a little pressure would kill him_ ," you think to yourself dryly before walking out of the room with the shivering troll.

 

 Gamzee: Vent ==>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm super sorry about being gone for so long. It's been really busy here and it has been next to impossible to find any free time. Fortunately, I should be able to start posting more often. Thank you to everyone who sent me sweet comments and encouragement, you guys are the reason that I was able to come back. This chapter is a little short, but I hope you all like it. :)


	11. Gamzee: Vent ==>

* * *

* * *

You cuddle up close to the mountain of muscle, closing your bleary eyes and try to get a handle on the situation. The doctor doesn't seem to be in any hurry and sure as hell ain't mad at you. He is holding you a little to hard, but with as many muscles as he's got, you wouldn't be surprised if this is as soft as he is able to hold you. Regardless of the pressure, the gesture is gentle and his strides are even as he sits you down on the kitchen counter to look you over. 

He pulls out that shiny cold thing that you don't like and presses it up against your thumper cage. 

"Looks like your heart has gotten stronger. Good job," he tells you, nodding with a small smile. You tilt your head amd look up at him curiously. 

"Aren't you gunna... Punish me?" you ask carefully, biting your lip and pulling at your oversized shirt. The doc shakes his head and rubs your head softly. 

"No, it was an accident."

"I'm so stupid!" you exclaim, wiping at the tears that won't stop coming down. "I fuck everything up! Tavbro says that it's okay, but I know that something ain't right with me!" you shout, pausing for a moment as you look up into the doctor's shades, seeing your own miserable reflection in them. You hold you head down and sigh. "Please fix me. Tell me what to do..." you whimper, fiddling with your clawed fingers. 

The doctor leans down and gets eye-level with you, taking off his shades and giving you a hella serious look. "There is nothing wrong with you. You are perfectly functioning for a member of your hemocaste. As you get older it will be easier for you to control your violence. For now, you just need to try to stay calm when things make you mad. Take yourself out of situations you know will cause you discomfort," he explains, patting your head gently. You feel your heart start to slow down enough for you to feel safer. 

You nod your head at him and look back down at your hands. "Can I like... Take somethin or... I dunno, is there somethin I can do?" 

He shakes his head. "We really do not know enough about your caste to really offer a sound diagnosis or perscription. However, if you can find something that keeps you calm, I would use that as much as possible."

Your thoughts turn to Tavbro and you feel your cheeks rush with blood. The doc gives you a smirk and raises his eyebrows. "I uh... I think I got someone that could uh... Do that," you tell him, smiling widely. He nods knowingly and grins. 

"Of course." He picks you up and puts you back on the ground, patting you on the head, minding your horns. You look up at him and beam. He is your hero. "Now run along, little one," he instructs you, kneeling down to your level. You hug him and run off, finding Tavbro and giving him a kiss on the cheek. 

Life could be good maybe.

* * *

 As the years rolled on, there were several more incidents similar to that, where you would get riled up and someone would get hurt. Fortunately, Tavros helped to calm you, bringing you back down and giving you the love you felt so desperately void of. Karkat, too, helped, shooshing and papping you when things get really out of hand. 

But the one time you hate to think about, the one that sends shivers up your spine, the one that plague you in the night, the one where all of your nightterrors come from, is the one that involves the person you care about most. 

 You and he were about 16 or 17 in regards to human years, and you had been together for many years, happy to be by each other's side and help solve each other's problems. Tav had a problem with being confident, you had a problem with being calm. It was a perfect cycle of trust and caring and you never felt so good in your life. 

But then the internet came.

Tavbro had introduced you, showing you different websites and explaining some of his favorite animes. He was so excited to share them with you and you couldn't have been happier to listen and fangirl with him. Eventually, Megidosis bought you your own laptop, seeing how much you enjoyed Tavbro's. 

At first, you were just fuckin around, enjoying all the different game sites there were and how much fun it was. Then, something occurred to you one day. It was the words of your favorite doctor, words you had been hearing for most of your life. If he didn't have the answers, maybe the motherfuckin internet would. 

Your search brought you to a site called "wikianswers" and you saw tons of different responses to what purple bloods like you do and act like. The amswer varied but most of them spoke of how good they were at troll-fighting. You leave the page and instead try to look at pictures of purple bloods, hoping to find better results. Of course, the first image is neutral, a tall, lanky troll with big puffy hair and teeth like yours. It gave you hope. But the next few took it away. 

Fights, blood, violence, death, and... Drugs. You remember drugs. You remember fights. You remember killing. The feeling of taking away a life. Your eye twitches and you can feel yourself starting to lose it. You shut off the screen and close the computer, calling for Tavbro. 

He comes in, his innocent smile and bright eyes a sight that makes your thumper both calm and race at the same time. He tilts his head at you and puts his hands on his hips, his thick arms flexing slightly. Tavbro had become a Tavbabe. He saunters over to where you are sitting at your computer desk, and invades your lap. Your arms wrap around him instinctively and you place a kiss on his nose, cupping a clawed hand to his face. 

"Everything okay, uh... Gamzee?" he asked, stammering but not nervous. You shake your head. 

"I uh... I saw some stuff... On the internet. Pictures of my kind. They uh.... Weren't too motherfuckin appealing to me," you told him, nuzzling your face in his neck. His horns are much longer now, so it makes it a little harder for him, but he nuzzles you back. 

"You know that those were taken by mean people,,, uh babe," he told you, rubbing your back softly.  You felt yourself calming and began to purr into his broad shoulder, placing soft kisses on his skin. 

"Mmmm yeah but.... I ain't gotta like em," you mumble, moving to the crook of his neck to plaster kisses there instead. He runs a hand through your hair, scratching at the scalp until he gets to your horns. 

When you were little, you would be calmed by someone rubbing your horns but now the sensation goes straight to your stomach and you pant heavily, moaning quietly. He grinds against you and you feel the excitement beginning to stir in him. You know he can feel that within you too because his face is blushing brown reeeeeeal bad. 

"Gamz..." he moans, grabbing your horns for support as his hips move against you. You meet his every movement and take his lips, placing your hands on his rear to help steer him. 

Once you both are hot and sweaty, he pulls back, panting heavily. "Mmm Gamz, don't worry about any of that stuff, mkay?" he asks of you sweetly, giving you a heated kiss. You nod, but you know your curiosity will get the better of you. 

And it did. 

 You don't know what happened, or why any of this was happening, but you just know that it was a very bad idea to look at all of those pictures. You can feel yourself panting, saliva dripping from your mouth, sweat caked onto your messily painted face. The scene in front of you confuses, but there isn't much you feel you can do about it. You aren't really  _seeing_ anything, but you're getting flashes and general ideas of what is going on. A terrified scream cuts through your foggy mind and you tilt your head, wondering where the sound came from. You feel moisture on your hands, sticky, hot, moisture. It makes you shudder, but for some reason, it doesn't feel like you are all that disgusted. 

"Stop!" the voice yells, loud enough to make you pause, but apparently not loud enough to make you actually listen. 

The feeling of cutting through something soft comes next. Like slicing a cake. A faygo cake. The thought makes you laugh. The laugh doesn't stop. 

Tears roll down your face, you know because it is wet and it stings your eyes. You hope they are tears. 

When you finally come to, you are sitting in the doctor's office, just as you had all those years ago. You blink, your thinkpan is hurting and you need it to stop, but it has other ideas. The doctor is leaning over you, eyeing you suspiciously. You don't like that look on him. You wonder why he looks like that. 

His normally calm face is drawn into a tight grimace, concentrating on his work intensely. It is important for you to keep quiet. 

"Hello, Gamzee. How are you feeling?" he asks, looking at you with those critical eyes of his. You aren't sure how to respond. 

"Uh... What happened? My head hurts..." you mutter, trying to look at the room, clutching your head tightly. He nods and begins scribbling down on that clipboard of his. 

"What do you last remember?" he asks. You aren't sure. All of the flashes felt like a dream, you don't know what is real and what fake. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here ya go! Sorry for shutting off the scene, I know you guys probably wanted more, but I gotta keep it teen.  
> We are actually moving closer to the plot lol. Only took what, 11 chapters of filler?  
> It's been a while, so my writing style has changed a little bit. You'll probably notice some differences but it shouldn't be detrimental to the story.  
> Thanks guys :)


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